I wonder if a robust metaphysics/theology helps with this. Like, if you truly believe that all souls are on a journey to God (or whatever "God" is to you), and it's God's job to keep track of them, not yours, perhaps that makes it easier to let people flit away from you in small and large ways? And if you believe in some sort of future existence when all truth will inevitably be revealed in a way appropriate to each person, then perhaps there is less of a need to convince people of that truth, or even be with other people who agree?
I'm not trying to convince anyone here, I'm just sharing something I've been thinking about recently.
I feel like it's somehow related to the idea of accepting grief, sorrow, and pain with compassion, knowing that from a cosmic, eternal perspective it is part of the intended joy of creation.
Thank you, Sasha. I really love reading and thinking about your substack, even when I don't comment. It stays with me for a long time, like a very slow conversation. :-)
Sasha, would you mind elaborating on your theology/metaphysics? For those of us who may be curious?
Excellent writing as always, by the way. Your descriptions of meditation and the meditative journey are a breath of fresh air regarding a subject where new language can be very, very hard to find.
Your thoughtful comment reminded me of the movie The Tree of Life. If you've never seen it, you might enjoy it.
When you wrote, "And if you believe in some sort of future existence when all truth will inevitably be revealed in a way appropriate to each person..." I thought of this quote from the movie: "One day we will fall to our knees and understand it all."
It can be jarring when you get a taste of Comfortable Here and are then acutely aware of every time you're not CH which becomes all the more exaggerated because of this newfound awareness. I struggled with that a few years into my meditation practice but seeing the other side gives ample motivation to deepen one's practice for CH to be the steady state.
I wonder if aiming towards CH as being the steady state can take away from just being comfortable with whatever is here, even if it’s not CH… is that true CH, being comfortable with not being in CH or any state in particular?
Congratulations, you have stumbled on one of the delicious conceptually irresolvable tensions of deep practice that slowly gets worked out in time but it’s really hard to explain how
Just wanted to highlight the brilliant & hilarious first sentence of this piece, which to me exudes exactly the sense of comfortable, present-oriented directness the rest of it's about... 👏👏
Good stuff, very familiar experience. I usually end up with a mind of "just be kind." I'm not here to fix everything, and people feeling uncomfortable is a part of their life; my trying to "help" them, especially by talking, usually isn't a long-term fix. So, just being kind is both the best and the least I can do.
A common observation is that once you get old enough (say, past retirement age, whether or not you are retired) you become Comfortable Here almost all the time.
"What a joy to be old! What lies they e been telling me all these years! ” — Erik Satie
Yes, though I think retirement definitely helps - finally, all that time to do what you want without stigma! It's a beautiful thing to see, though of course you also get cranky old people who just get more bitter every year.
It cuts both ways. I'm not the only one I know who was looking fwd to doing great things in retirement. It's harder than it sounds, and not just for me. Still, I figured out about 10 years ago that I'm at my best at being a dilettante, and it was silly to imagine that that would change on retirement.
Important points. Eventually, even that “need” for human connection has to be let go of — not that you can’t find it pleasant and enjoyable when it happens, but that you can’t build your life around it. Plus, trying to build your life around it can in some ways make it less likely to happen, as you’re not actually present and open to receiving that connection in whatever way it may present itself, but you’re instead constantly trying to force its occurrence, like a missionary would, which can be off putting and yet another way of covering up the present moment from yourself, focusing instead on what an ideal future connection might look like. In that way, having the intention of connecting can be a detriment to true connection.
This is so beautifully described. It reads to me like the messy, human and somewhat painful reflection of the usually quite "pure" description of the stages of awareness, where you move from mindlessness to an increasing awareness of everything around you, until you become aware of yourself, and then the leap of faith where you let go of that as well. Of course in reality this experience is always messy in some way, which is surely exactly as it should be.
Very interesting. How close would you say is your experience to constant abiding awareness? Would you thus say you're experiencing a non-dualistic version of reality?
I am getting to the point of neutrality, where I can be Comfortable Here among those who aren’t.
I slip in and out of it, sometimes falling for the responsibility and guilt trap of “ How are you OK being comfortable when those others obviously aren’t? What’s wrong with you?”
Then I remember that everyone’s journey is their own, and their choices are their own to make with their free will. They need to find their own way and it’s not up to me to direct them. I can influence and inspire by simply being Comfortable Here myself.
It can sometimes be lonely but I guess you might say that’s an indicator of not being Comfortable Here.
It feels like to be completely at ease, I have to not fall out of the matrix, but accept that I’m in it and enjoy the show…
Beautifully put, thank you.
I wonder if a robust metaphysics/theology helps with this. Like, if you truly believe that all souls are on a journey to God (or whatever "God" is to you), and it's God's job to keep track of them, not yours, perhaps that makes it easier to let people flit away from you in small and large ways? And if you believe in some sort of future existence when all truth will inevitably be revealed in a way appropriate to each person, then perhaps there is less of a need to convince people of that truth, or even be with other people who agree?
I'm not trying to convince anyone here, I'm just sharing something I've been thinking about recently.
I feel like it's somehow related to the idea of accepting grief, sorrow, and pain with compassion, knowing that from a cosmic, eternal perspective it is part of the intended joy of creation.
What you describe roughly tracks my metaphysics/theology. Beautiful comment, thank you.
Thank you, Sasha. I really love reading and thinking about your substack, even when I don't comment. It stays with me for a long time, like a very slow conversation. :-)
Sasha, would you mind elaborating on your theology/metaphysics? For those of us who may be curious?
Excellent writing as always, by the way. Your descriptions of meditation and the meditative journey are a breath of fresh air regarding a subject where new language can be very, very hard to find.
I've never had someone commandeer my own vocabulary to advance the argument, "if you really saw the truth, you would agree with me." Amazing chutzpah!
Your thoughtful comment reminded me of the movie The Tree of Life. If you've never seen it, you might enjoy it.
When you wrote, "And if you believe in some sort of future existence when all truth will inevitably be revealed in a way appropriate to each person..." I thought of this quote from the movie: "One day we will fall to our knees and understand it all."
Yes that's one of my favorite movies!
It can be jarring when you get a taste of Comfortable Here and are then acutely aware of every time you're not CH which becomes all the more exaggerated because of this newfound awareness. I struggled with that a few years into my meditation practice but seeing the other side gives ample motivation to deepen one's practice for CH to be the steady state.
Anyways, resonant piece as always Sasha!
I wonder if aiming towards CH as being the steady state can take away from just being comfortable with whatever is here, even if it’s not CH… is that true CH, being comfortable with not being in CH or any state in particular?
Congratulations, you have stumbled on one of the delicious conceptually irresolvable tensions of deep practice that slowly gets worked out in time but it’s really hard to explain how
Just wanted to highlight the brilliant & hilarious first sentence of this piece, which to me exudes exactly the sense of comfortable, present-oriented directness the rest of it's about... 👏👏
commenting and then closing my laptop to meditate. so good.
goddamn! youre in my head! 😅
Good stuff, very familiar experience. I usually end up with a mind of "just be kind." I'm not here to fix everything, and people feeling uncomfortable is a part of their life; my trying to "help" them, especially by talking, usually isn't a long-term fix. So, just being kind is both the best and the least I can do.
Well said, Jibran, my thoughts too
Amazing, as always
Beautifully said. This relates to something I wrote entitled "Being Thankful for the Bad Stuff"
An excerpt:
"To be human is to be soft enough to feel, but hard enough to endure.
It won't be easy.
It may take a very long time.
Life becomes great and big and beautiful when curiosity and courage drive it far beyond obligation.
Fecklessness is a high price to pay for safety.
Only those that keep running finish the race.
Only those that keep pushing break through.
Only personal thorns can draw the blood that dyes the rose its resplendent red.
God is good.
Everything is good.
This is the good part.
It's all the good part."
More: https://www.whitenoise.email/p/being-thankful-for-the-bad-stuff
A common observation is that once you get old enough (say, past retirement age, whether or not you are retired) you become Comfortable Here almost all the time.
"What a joy to be old! What lies they e been telling me all these years! ” — Erik Satie
Yes, though I think retirement definitely helps - finally, all that time to do what you want without stigma! It's a beautiful thing to see, though of course you also get cranky old people who just get more bitter every year.
It cuts both ways. I'm not the only one I know who was looking fwd to doing great things in retirement. It's harder than it sounds, and not just for me. Still, I figured out about 10 years ago that I'm at my best at being a dilettante, and it was silly to imagine that that would change on retirement.
“You did not. It was grace.” ❤️Beautiful, thank you. I remind myself - it certainly wasn’t someone else making me their project. ☺️
So I guess I’ll be fine if I never become Comfortable Here
Important points. Eventually, even that “need” for human connection has to be let go of — not that you can’t find it pleasant and enjoyable when it happens, but that you can’t build your life around it. Plus, trying to build your life around it can in some ways make it less likely to happen, as you’re not actually present and open to receiving that connection in whatever way it may present itself, but you’re instead constantly trying to force its occurrence, like a missionary would, which can be off putting and yet another way of covering up the present moment from yourself, focusing instead on what an ideal future connection might look like. In that way, having the intention of connecting can be a detriment to true connection.
This is so beautifully described. It reads to me like the messy, human and somewhat painful reflection of the usually quite "pure" description of the stages of awareness, where you move from mindlessness to an increasing awareness of everything around you, until you become aware of yourself, and then the leap of faith where you let go of that as well. Of course in reality this experience is always messy in some way, which is surely exactly as it should be.
Very interesting. How close would you say is your experience to constant abiding awareness? Would you thus say you're experiencing a non-dualistic version of reality?
I am getting to the point of neutrality, where I can be Comfortable Here among those who aren’t.
I slip in and out of it, sometimes falling for the responsibility and guilt trap of “ How are you OK being comfortable when those others obviously aren’t? What’s wrong with you?”
Then I remember that everyone’s journey is their own, and their choices are their own to make with their free will. They need to find their own way and it’s not up to me to direct them. I can influence and inspire by simply being Comfortable Here myself.
It can sometimes be lonely but I guess you might say that’s an indicator of not being Comfortable Here.
It feels like to be completely at ease, I have to not fall out of the matrix, but accept that I’m in it and enjoy the show…
No Bliss from my practice, and not what I would call comfort either. Acceptance. Acceptance of things as they are. That's enough.