I used to think that hot people straightforwardly had it better than average-looking people. After marrying an absurdly attractive woman, and seeing her life up-close, I'm less sure.
It's not that I don't believe that being hot is good. On balance, I still think it pays to be more beautiful. The actual belief update is as follows: I don't think that highly attractive people's lives are equivalent to mine but with more rewards. I think they live in Hot People Land, which is an odd place.
To see how it's different, let's take a quick glimpse at Average Land.
I'm an average-looking man, on the whole. I'd say, without shame, that I'm "cute enough, nice bod, kinda weird face." I'm right at the level of attractiveness where, in most social circles, I'm not the outlier in either direction.
This means I'm forgettable, which is a great luxury. By default, my interactions with people have no emotional charge. When I walk into a room, I'm pretty much just a guy.
This is really relaxing. I used to wish I weren't Just A Guy, but that was when my self-esteem was low enough that I had a stinging desire for affirmation from random strangers. Now that I no longer rely on their assessment, I swim happily through the world, another busy fish doing busy fish things.
Meanwhile, the privilege I do have, beyond race and gender, can be deployed at my choosing. I've got some cultural capital, I'm socially well-connected, and I'm financially solvent. But, in an in-person meeting, nobody has to know this unless I want them to. I have a lot of control over the impression I make. Very nice, very clean, very manageable.
Over in Hot Land, the situation is different.
Hot privilege can't be turned off, unless you're willing to wear sacklike clothing and big unflattering shades or whatever. (Even then, this doesn't always work.) And, when you're hot, people react to you in wild ways constantly. They throw energy at you that you just have to deal with all day.
The energy isn't always nice. I'd say it's highly polarized.
Heterosexual men tend to like my wife a lot, right away. A big part of it is that she's exceptionally likable and intelligent. But, of course, part of it is the Glittery Feeling she generates. And she is made responsible for that Glittery Feeling, which is annoying.
For example. If she's unpleasant or just neutral towards a heterosexual male, it goes over extra poorly: she's ruined the Glittery Feeling. Additionally, the Glittery Feeling also triggers the Be A Man impulse: it's comical how men will leap to her assistance when she doesn't need it, or spontaneously attempt to demonstrate their worth. One older man we met at a wedding, upon learning that I casually do combat sports, punched me in the sternum in front of her. He did it under the guise of talking about martial arts—he praised me for "knowing how to flow with a punch"—but it's hard to interpret this as anything other than a show of virility.
Finally, her competence is systematically underestimated, because some men wonder whether her achievements should be attributed to Hot Privilege. What they're not seeing is that they themselves are hypnotized: they're not self-aware enough to see that their assessment abilities are being fucked with.
Her strategy for dealing with this is to be incredibly patient and polite. She's quite good at it, but it's exhausting. Other women have different strategies. The mythical icy hot girl isn't actually a mean person, she's just making a rational choice to shut down the Glittery Feeling way before it becomes an issue.
So, while Vic's traction with men can be beneficial, she needs to treat it delicately.
Women? Whole other thing, also complex. The stereotype is true: she's often seen as a threat. (Her appearance receives outright stares of hatred from some women, which I was unprepared for.) To disarm the threat response, she has to excessively self-deprecate. Sometimes, the pendulum swings way in the other direction, and women become obsessed with her, demanding more and more of her emotional energy and time. I guess they hope some of the essence will rub off. It can get fucking weird, fast.
So, is her position exploitable? Absolutely. Are there benefits? No question. But it's also an endless source of predicaments. She has to be the janitor cleaning up the chemical reactions she unintentionally instigates, all day long. She is the Glittery Feeling Custodian, often a shit job.
This situation is more extreme for women. But it still holds to some extent across genders. I know this partially because, at less mentally-sound times, I've been suspicious of and obsessed by attractive men.
It would be fun to have the ability to throw on a magical hotness mask for a few hours. But I'm glad that's not my default state.
Well, if she really wanted to she could dial it down a lot-- the 'sack-like clothing' (eg, loose and comfortable ) is a start, add in fake corrective lenses, no make-up, comfortable shoes (ie, not high heels), short, unattractive hair style, or hair up in a bun, hair dyed a mouse-y brown, etc, etc -- all would make her less hot. The fact is she isn't willing to give up the hotness points, even though they come with the extra trouble you describe. Thus we can infer, despite the drawbacks, hot people world is a much more enjoyable place to live in than average person world...