Thank you so much for this. It's helping me understand what I'm going through!
Marriage or a great match, best friend and partner too helps immensely. We would leap frog each other about learning and observing ourselves. A good partner who is also a good adversary to challenge the other and help see the improvements of self helps immensely.
She grounds me and I ground her. We watch each other's backs!
She's able to boost me when I'm down and I'm there for her when she needs it.
We are sparring partners of the spiritual arts. 💜
Oh and yes on this person's experience about trying too hard!
I was my own boss and trying too hard! Once I backed off, I noticed things are cumulative and more consistent. Sometimes I'd have bliss states. In mediation we're recalibrating our sense of being alive and ok. Pushing too hard is an error of belief in too much. Humility is important to protect yourself from yourself!
"One person told me he got out of the waiting room by simply hearing and really trying to understand the phrase “you are trying too hard.”
At this stage, the path itself is often used as a defense against letting go."
Love this piece! Will be sharing it with meditation friends.
Inspiring to read about losing the game. :)
This newsletter keeps delivering. I kinda get excited now when I see in my inbox there's a new one. Please do write what compendium you will about "energy things". It could probably help refine identification and understanding of a few things I've noticed or experienced.
What’s your relationship with kundalini? Seems impossible to ignore the power and possibility of sexuality as a mystical vehicle/ process when you experience some bit of that. And I totally agree that denial of that aspect of self is very seductive to people inclined to transcend want, so it easily slips sideways into shadow—evinced even by the way you bring it up. As I write this, I wonder if it’s the ultimate undoing of any structured belief system that requires celibacy. I’ll be swan-diving into all of these early links, many thanks for their inclusion.
I've had energy releases that sound a lot like kundalini stuff accompanying major spiritual experiences, but never with the classic snake imagery. I wish medical science had more to tell us here. The quantity of vim was mystifying. There were a couple of weeks in particular where I was like "I shouldn't be functioning this well on three hours of sleep, also why is everything glowing and why does everyone look so attractive." And yet I was functioning fine; I put the finishing touches on a product launch during one of these periods. If I hadn't had some bipolar episodes when I was young, I think I would've found it unsettling, but it was fairly easy to ride it out given that I'd experienced far more destructive personal instability. I've never tried to deliberately engineer experiences like this through kundalini yoga or upregulating breathwork, because I have enough going on as it is...
Reading the section on the powers made the sentence "sufficiently advanced empathy is indistinguishable from magick" pop into my head. Or at first one can say this; in the past I didn't know what to make sense of some of the more wild Ingram claims in MCTB about "a group of people could see the magick I was doing (manifesting a flame and writing in the air with it or something)" but now it does seem not deranged that a group of people kasina-ing close enough to the sun in isolation could indeed have their own altered shared reality.
You may find (some sections of) this conversation with Joe Hudson intriguing where he drops some lines about the siddhis intriguing (I think this is the only place where he has talked about this ever) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OM8Gtt37-m4 , it seems that most people that have gone deep truly end up here but the fraction that do talk about it is much much lower.
I've been on the receiving end of sufficiently advanced empathy before, one of my teachers is routinely capable of it. And one can come up with scientific materialist compatible explanations for it, but it sure doesn't feel that way when it's happening to you.
I really enjoyed reading this, and would love to read more of these ramblings about the path. I am a bit of a casual meditator, and find myself a bit afraid of a spiritual awakening or 'losing the game' in your analogy. I've read Shinzen Young's Science of enlightenment, and felt more of this fear once reading his chapter on 'The realm of power' which intersects with your section in this essay 'Mundane view of the powers'. Just reading about the weird phenomena (angels, aliens, weird visual hallucinations, ghosts, etc) one could experience by going that deep, brings about much fear in me . I suppose you would just treat it as any other experience (relaxing, equanimity, etc), but I'd love to hear your thoughts on this (or if you have any existing essays to link to).
I've only had fleeting visionary experiences; it's not a universal feature of deep practice. I've definitely had disorienting reconfigurations of reality that left me incapacitated for a day or two here and there. Going really deep has risks if you don't have life slack; I think the ideal situation is a job or a set of relationships that incentivize you to keep one foot in reality, but the flexibility to take some days off if your universe has been upended. Of course there's a huge amount of variance here. Some people have fast and easy paths, other people have slow and hard paths. I think for me the most important fact about spiritual transformation is that I don't personally know anybody who wishes they could undo their path, even though I've met some people who've had harrowing experiences.
Generally, heart-first practices (brahmaviharas, gratitude, forgiveness) are considered lower on the side effects, as are open awareness style practices. More side effects in "dry" vipassana and non-heart-oriented shamatha. But again, plenty of individual variance...
Thank you for responding. Maybe its just the minds tendency towards negative bias that we hear about the harrowing experiences and assume the worst case scenario. I have 2 young kids and to become destabilized would be quite unpleasant. However I am not trying to go deep in my practice, in this phase of my life, but maybe something for future me. Thanks again!
Wow beautiful essay. Always love hearing your thoughts and pointers along the path. Would love if you wrote about the diamond sutra—I am making my way through red pines translation right now—and your commentary would be an awesome addition
Thanks for this, Sasha! I really like the balloon game analogy/metaphor. It illustrates beautifully how thinking of ourself as a separate entity takes a lot of work, work we forget we're even doing. To me, meditation is like deep, dreamless sleep. It's a letting go of all that we think we are but in fact are not, knowingly, or in other words, allowing our egoic so-called self to experience it. More an allowing our essential self to surface, and abiding as that. This is so confusing to the mind, the ego, because being non-objective as being is, there's nothing to remember. It's simply too intimately what we are to remain in our subject/object egoic persona to perceive, so that impermanent part of being dissolves, makes up stories to explain the peace, happiness, love that we are in objective terms, which of course, like all so-called "knowledge" is not true. And I love how you suggest equanimity and kindness toward our illusions about reality. One more thing, have you read anything by Rupert Spira, a proponent of advaita vedanta, or non-dualism? Your writings on these things so remind me of his... Namaste, Dear One! <3
Your writing on meditation and spirituality has been such a consistent and valuable handrail for me on my own path, the whole time I’m reading pieces like this I feel like I’m closer to the edges of “losing the game” and I always feel clarified and reoriented in my practice afterward. Thanks so much for all of your work and I can’t wait for the next ones!
I like this. Might I say some forms of mystical christianism focus on the second version of enlingthment (sainthood), with the former as a logical consecuence of the later. As a former meditator who found everything I was looking for in prayer and surrendering to God, I do marvel at how similar experiences in different paths are. Personally, i got down from the awakening race, but found just a lot of joy in striving to have an ordinary beautiful life.
I'll be re-reading this and savoring this. Thanks. And, Sasha, please write about the Diamond Sutra.
Uuuuuh I'll have the "Non-dual glimpse practice as Legend of Zelda map destination", please :)
Thank you so much for this. It's helping me understand what I'm going through!
Marriage or a great match, best friend and partner too helps immensely. We would leap frog each other about learning and observing ourselves. A good partner who is also a good adversary to challenge the other and help see the improvements of self helps immensely.
She grounds me and I ground her. We watch each other's backs!
She's able to boost me when I'm down and I'm there for her when she needs it.
We are sparring partners of the spiritual arts. 💜
Oh and yes on this person's experience about trying too hard!
I was my own boss and trying too hard! Once I backed off, I noticed things are cumulative and more consistent. Sometimes I'd have bliss states. In mediation we're recalibrating our sense of being alive and ok. Pushing too hard is an error of belief in too much. Humility is important to protect yourself from yourself!
"One person told me he got out of the waiting room by simply hearing and really trying to understand the phrase “you are trying too hard.”
At this stage, the path itself is often used as a defense against letting go."
Love this piece! Will be sharing it with meditation friends.
Inspiring to read about losing the game. :)
This newsletter keeps delivering. I kinda get excited now when I see in my inbox there's a new one. Please do write what compendium you will about "energy things". It could probably help refine identification and understanding of a few things I've noticed or experienced.
I'm really grateful that we have your intelligent insights to help guide us on on the path. Thank you.
What’s your relationship with kundalini? Seems impossible to ignore the power and possibility of sexuality as a mystical vehicle/ process when you experience some bit of that. And I totally agree that denial of that aspect of self is very seductive to people inclined to transcend want, so it easily slips sideways into shadow—evinced even by the way you bring it up. As I write this, I wonder if it’s the ultimate undoing of any structured belief system that requires celibacy. I’ll be swan-diving into all of these early links, many thanks for their inclusion.
I've had energy releases that sound a lot like kundalini stuff accompanying major spiritual experiences, but never with the classic snake imagery. I wish medical science had more to tell us here. The quantity of vim was mystifying. There were a couple of weeks in particular where I was like "I shouldn't be functioning this well on three hours of sleep, also why is everything glowing and why does everyone look so attractive." And yet I was functioning fine; I put the finishing touches on a product launch during one of these periods. If I hadn't had some bipolar episodes when I was young, I think I would've found it unsettling, but it was fairly easy to ride it out given that I'd experienced far more destructive personal instability. I've never tried to deliberately engineer experiences like this through kundalini yoga or upregulating breathwork, because I have enough going on as it is...
You?
Reading the section on the powers made the sentence "sufficiently advanced empathy is indistinguishable from magick" pop into my head. Or at first one can say this; in the past I didn't know what to make sense of some of the more wild Ingram claims in MCTB about "a group of people could see the magick I was doing (manifesting a flame and writing in the air with it or something)" but now it does seem not deranged that a group of people kasina-ing close enough to the sun in isolation could indeed have their own altered shared reality.
You may find (some sections of) this conversation with Joe Hudson intriguing where he drops some lines about the siddhis intriguing (I think this is the only place where he has talked about this ever) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OM8Gtt37-m4 , it seems that most people that have gone deep truly end up here but the fraction that do talk about it is much much lower.
Reality is weirder than it seemed!
I've been on the receiving end of sufficiently advanced empathy before, one of my teachers is routinely capable of it. And one can come up with scientific materialist compatible explanations for it, but it sure doesn't feel that way when it's happening to you.
I would love a piece on the Diamond Sutra. It left a massive impression on me when I first heard it.
I really enjoyed reading this, and would love to read more of these ramblings about the path. I am a bit of a casual meditator, and find myself a bit afraid of a spiritual awakening or 'losing the game' in your analogy. I've read Shinzen Young's Science of enlightenment, and felt more of this fear once reading his chapter on 'The realm of power' which intersects with your section in this essay 'Mundane view of the powers'. Just reading about the weird phenomena (angels, aliens, weird visual hallucinations, ghosts, etc) one could experience by going that deep, brings about much fear in me . I suppose you would just treat it as any other experience (relaxing, equanimity, etc), but I'd love to hear your thoughts on this (or if you have any existing essays to link to).
I've only had fleeting visionary experiences; it's not a universal feature of deep practice. I've definitely had disorienting reconfigurations of reality that left me incapacitated for a day or two here and there. Going really deep has risks if you don't have life slack; I think the ideal situation is a job or a set of relationships that incentivize you to keep one foot in reality, but the flexibility to take some days off if your universe has been upended. Of course there's a huge amount of variance here. Some people have fast and easy paths, other people have slow and hard paths. I think for me the most important fact about spiritual transformation is that I don't personally know anybody who wishes they could undo their path, even though I've met some people who've had harrowing experiences.
Generally, heart-first practices (brahmaviharas, gratitude, forgiveness) are considered lower on the side effects, as are open awareness style practices. More side effects in "dry" vipassana and non-heart-oriented shamatha. But again, plenty of individual variance...
Thank you for responding. Maybe its just the minds tendency towards negative bias that we hear about the harrowing experiences and assume the worst case scenario. I have 2 young kids and to become destabilized would be quite unpleasant. However I am not trying to go deep in my practice, in this phase of my life, but maybe something for future me. Thanks again!
Wow beautiful essay. Always love hearing your thoughts and pointers along the path. Would love if you wrote about the diamond sutra—I am making my way through red pines translation right now—and your commentary would be an awesome addition
Had me chuckling at "like the quality of someone haunted by war but the opposite" too true!
I really appreciate the resources shared, I trust your selection. Thank you!
Thanks for this, Sasha! I really like the balloon game analogy/metaphor. It illustrates beautifully how thinking of ourself as a separate entity takes a lot of work, work we forget we're even doing. To me, meditation is like deep, dreamless sleep. It's a letting go of all that we think we are but in fact are not, knowingly, or in other words, allowing our egoic so-called self to experience it. More an allowing our essential self to surface, and abiding as that. This is so confusing to the mind, the ego, because being non-objective as being is, there's nothing to remember. It's simply too intimately what we are to remain in our subject/object egoic persona to perceive, so that impermanent part of being dissolves, makes up stories to explain the peace, happiness, love that we are in objective terms, which of course, like all so-called "knowledge" is not true. And I love how you suggest equanimity and kindness toward our illusions about reality. One more thing, have you read anything by Rupert Spira, a proponent of advaita vedanta, or non-dualism? Your writings on these things so remind me of his... Namaste, Dear One! <3
Your writing on meditation and spirituality has been such a consistent and valuable handrail for me on my own path, the whole time I’m reading pieces like this I feel like I’m closer to the edges of “losing the game” and I always feel clarified and reoriented in my practice afterward. Thanks so much for all of your work and I can’t wait for the next ones!
I like this. Might I say some forms of mystical christianism focus on the second version of enlingthment (sainthood), with the former as a logical consecuence of the later. As a former meditator who found everything I was looking for in prayer and surrendering to God, I do marvel at how similar experiences in different paths are. Personally, i got down from the awakening race, but found just a lot of joy in striving to have an ordinary beautiful life.
Thank you for this wonderful resource. I hope you become a meditation teacher and I can sign up to learn from you