This sounds like how Sayadaw u Tejaniya tells his students to practice while listening. He says to keep your attention gently on your body and mind while listening, and you'll naturally follow what they're saying and also notice how your mind is receiving what's being said. It's all in his book Relax and Be Aware. I think you would dig it.
This reminds me of something Kasia Urbaniak discusses in her book Unbound. She has the interesting background of having been both a Taoist nun and a dominatrix and I found it a useful book for figuring out where I was sometimes going wrong with conversation.
One of her main ideas that is that there are dominant states of attention and submissive states of attention - yang and yin essentially.
She talks about how really great conversations are 'a beautiful dance between dominance and submission' where there is a seamless switching between the two back and forth. The key is, she says, not to be in a half-dominant and half-submissive state, but instead occupy whichever of the two states you are in completely, but to allow that switching with your conversation partner.
Reminds me of something Anthony de Mello said which was along the lines of; listening to what you say is just as, if not more important than what they say.
Interesting to see this spelled out. I think I think kind of similarly, but sometimes I can just listen for a kind of negative pressure inside me which is a cue to follow energetically. As I get more facile with this i just find that I have followed that cue from my heart, without necessarily thinking.
this is something I've noticed. It's about finding room for mutual excitement in the conversation. Almost everyone has something you can both be excited about.
I tried some Authentic Relating recently and that drove home how active quality listening can be. Not being able to respond intensified that awareness of how much is going on internally and how often I wanted to blurt my own reflections into the space. But it also helped in recognising those inner flickers and how good it can feel to sit intimately with the resonance and lightly reflect it back out vs spewing me-toos.
The artificial restriction of listening in silence doesn't translate cleanly to actual conversations, but I think it's a good practice for the real deal.
Reads as an extrovert cultivating skills of introversion. My experience runs in the other direction: an introvert cultivating skills of extroversion. I wonder if we’ve arrived at a similar point or whether the path dependency makes a significant difference. Based on this essay, feels like the latter
This sounds like how Sayadaw u Tejaniya tells his students to practice while listening. He says to keep your attention gently on your body and mind while listening, and you'll naturally follow what they're saying and also notice how your mind is receiving what's being said. It's all in his book Relax and Be Aware. I think you would dig it.
Agree! This is how we are taught in Buddhist chaplaincy class as well, 50% attention on the speaker and 50% to our body-mind.
Christin, I'd also love to learn more about your Buddhist chaplaincy program!
Yes! Here's the Sati Center program info:
https://sati.org/programs/chaplaincy-training/ (the last link takes you to some recordings)
Happy to chat, added you on LinkedIn :)
Curious about Buddhist chaplaincy! Where can I learn more?
Yes! Here's the Sati Center program info:
https://sati.org/programs/chaplaincy-training/ (the last link takes you to some recordings)
Happy to chat, added you on "X" :)
This reminds me of something Kasia Urbaniak discusses in her book Unbound. She has the interesting background of having been both a Taoist nun and a dominatrix and I found it a useful book for figuring out where I was sometimes going wrong with conversation.
One of her main ideas that is that there are dominant states of attention and submissive states of attention - yang and yin essentially.
She talks about how really great conversations are 'a beautiful dance between dominance and submission' where there is a seamless switching between the two back and forth. The key is, she says, not to be in a half-dominant and half-submissive state, but instead occupy whichever of the two states you are in completely, but to allow that switching with your conversation partner.
Love this, cheers for sharing!
So nicely put!
Reminds me of something Anthony de Mello said which was along the lines of; listening to what you say is just as, if not more important than what they say.
> My job, as a listener, is partially to pay attention to how I’m resonating with what’s being said, and to reflect that resonance outwards.
🔥🔥🔥
Interesting to see this spelled out. I think I think kind of similarly, but sometimes I can just listen for a kind of negative pressure inside me which is a cue to follow energetically. As I get more facile with this i just find that I have followed that cue from my heart, without necessarily thinking.
this is something I've noticed. It's about finding room for mutual excitement in the conversation. Almost everyone has something you can both be excited about.
What a wonderful insight. Thank you.
Love this😊 glad I’m not alone in this endeavor 😂
I don't always remember this haha, but fair fair point.
I agree 100% nearly every person that tells you how to become a better communicator and make more friends is to be a better listener
I tried some Authentic Relating recently and that drove home how active quality listening can be. Not being able to respond intensified that awareness of how much is going on internally and how often I wanted to blurt my own reflections into the space. But it also helped in recognising those inner flickers and how good it can feel to sit intimately with the resonance and lightly reflect it back out vs spewing me-toos.
The artificial restriction of listening in silence doesn't translate cleanly to actual conversations, but I think it's a good practice for the real deal.
https://www.nobt.co.uk/p/getting-high-on-humans
Reads as an extrovert cultivating skills of introversion. My experience runs in the other direction: an introvert cultivating skills of extroversion. I wonder if we’ve arrived at a similar point or whether the path dependency makes a significant difference. Based on this essay, feels like the latter