it is possible to feel better than you think
Thank you for writing this. There were points at which I was physically moved, almost to tears. It's fucking big to know that someone wrote this with the purpose of someone else reading it, to tell them that these intense journeys are a part of so many people's lives, and that healing is (eventually) possible and how it looks and feels is wonderful.
I really benefited from reading this, as I feel I am on some sort of precipice / breaking point with regard to "unlikable" loops that keep repeating themselves. Between the more notable events that you write about here, did you keep a consistent practice of loving-kindness meditation? I feel like this could be a good starting point for me. Thanks so much for putting this out there.
This is one hell of a post!! Kudos for putting this out into the world. I'd love to drop-in at some point and chat in more detail... I'm fascinated by the potential for 'breath re-patterning' to take someone through the full ride to Deep Okayness without the need for entheogenic interventions (although they can be supportive for sure).
I haven't had any big transformations except for optimism that they will happen, and getting a sense of the path forward. I have the sense that this will end up as one of the most important things I've read in my life.
Bro, if you hadn't recommended EK so vividly I definitely would have put it down like 3 pages in. Curious to see where it leads me...
What a fantastic article. Thank you so much. So inspiring. This is the year of the heart for me and this will be an invaluable resource:)
This is my favorite article. I just read it a second time. The first time it made get up and DO STUFF and I felt so good. Thank you for this.
Your journey from self-loathing to self-love is beautiful and your courage to share will help countless others. Proud of you, Sasha!
This is legit man
This meant everything to me.
I'm curious to hear how you're feeling now. Are you still feeling similar to how you felt when you wrote this, or have the effects tempered? Or gotten even better?
I know I'm commenting on a fairly-old post, but I'd like to express my appreciation for you writing this. I'd been suffering from extremely severe depression and other mental health issues for my entire life. Reading this post, and trying to implement the advice (particularly the EK exercise), was a turning point in making me a much, much more mentally healthy and resilient person. Thanks so much again for writing this.
amazing! thank you for sharing your journey. this is the second time i’ve read about Existential Kink, so i think that’s a sign to read it.
i recently restarted therapy, and my goal originally was to embrace this super sensitive side of me, becoming as loving and as receptive to people and life as possible. i think you put it into better words with Deep Okayness. i love it. i want to be so Okay nothing can touch me ❤️💪
What a beautiful sharing. I have had a similar journey. It, too, involved LSD. After a mystical experience my eating disorder went away and never came back. I also had had therapy and IFS and taught myself intuitive eating, but the mystical experience was the lightbulb moment. Tat Tvam Asi. I realised the nonduality of being. I realised the ego was thinking of the self in the third person, and that this third person conception of myself was NOT ME but rather a finger puppet of my consciousness. And all my anxiety and eating disorder related to my third person concept of myself. Realising I am not the object of my awareness, I am the subject, and that this consciousness I am experiencing is the universal consciousness of all existence, it caused me to enter the state of Deep Okayness which has never left me. It's been over 2 years and I still feel deeply okay. ❤️🌌
Hey Sasha, I read this when you first posted it, and bookmarked it, knowing there was something interesting here (and of course I wanted what you were describing).
I've recently in the last week been able to find something similar.
I have been feverishly writing notes to my self, second guessing my own brain and generally trying to 'lock it down' and make sense of it - more out of genuine curiosity rather than desperation that it will fade away.
the core bit I agree with, is the 'what it feels like' section, so I'm guessing it is something similar. I have wondered if I am manic, but checking in with some friends and looking at my actual behavior, pretty much the same.
I have reached almost identical states of being on MDMA and after meditation, very rarely just on waking up. The only difference now is I feel more firmly planted in this perspective, rather than just experiencing it for a time. Some metaphors might be the feeling of a lucid dream stabilizing or something like that.
For me the big block was anxiety, so perhaps in order to get through to okayness you need to find a method to get past your individual 'block'. maybe that relates to the idea of repression.
I have found myself laughing to myself - maybe because although the difference in reality feels so great, almost everything is so similar.