12 Comments

Reminds me of ugh fields : https://www.lesswrong.com/posts/EFQ3F6kmt4WHXRqik/ugh-fields. But this is more pointed, oof. Would love to read more about how you overcome this Sasha!

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Lately when I read your stuff I feel compelled to suggest circling-esque stuff (or any other relational meditative environment like radical aliveness/core energetics etc.). When it comes to daring I've found no better place to work on these bits. It's like exposure therapy on steroids, while being learning to be kind and understanding to the internal reasoning, rational and history informing the more protective/coping mechanisms I habitually play out without even noticing.

And also here's a poem I wrote on acid:

I want to tattoo

"I'm Scared"

on my forehead

But

I'm afraid you'll misread

"scared"

as

"sacred"

and dismiss

or worse

Idolize

me

I don't want either

I'm just scared

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i have never managed to enjoy circling

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thank you for the poem :)

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This reminds me of a phrase I heard recently, "grit is fit"--you might be inclined to work harder or go farther with things that suit your personality, like vulnerable writing, in your case. What seems like bravery and effort from the outside might be easy and natural for that person. At the same time it's good to push at the edges sometimes, for reasons you've wonderfully illustrated. An artful balance, maybe?

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OOF

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if your fear envelope is changing, how do you avoid bumping the edges of it and feeling it?

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So painfully true that it is difficult to read.

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Wow, I have never read a more accurate description of myself.

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This is exactly it -- I've come recently to feel my fear and I was viewing that as progress. Your post explicits why in gripping detail. Thank you!

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Welp, guess I'm upgrading.

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