Yes! One rule I've made for myself is that if a thought like "hey I haven't heard from this person in a while, I should text them" presents itself, I must drop everything and text them. Regardless of if they never got back to me last time or vice versa etc. or whatever the circumstances. And it's usually something simple like -- hey thought about you today, hope you're doing well.
Surprisingly effective at keeping in touch with people. People just wanna be loved on 🧡
I think this one relatively short text might be about to make a greater difference to my life than almost all the books I've ever read. Thank you
And, uh, one question. If you have a pile of emails and messages you should've written months ago, and it is very important to you that you will in fact write them, what would be a good way to start the text? I usually write some form of "I'm sorry it took me so long" but I feel stupid beginning literally every single email I've ever written to a particular person with that phrase
Thanks Sasha. In the spirit of mitigating the nightmarish loneliness that plagues us all, thanks for your reflective posts. They match many of my own neuroses and you lay things out in a practical and helpful manner.
The problem is that sometimes people interpret responding quickly as being needy or giving them high-status--especially early in relationships.
I used to respond quickly to everything--texts, emails, whatever. But I found that for some non-trivial fraction of people it just builds entitlement. You might say "Ignore those people. They suck." But sometimes you can't.
I apologize for inserting myself into this exchange, but I am motivated to write something by your words, “the nightmarish loneliness that plagues us all.” Don’t those (true) words imply that OUR problem is a societal one, not something that can be resolved by individual self-improvement? In the past 7 years, I have suffered cancer, a pandemic era loss of connection with my loved ones, and now I am two years into terminal ALS. Books that inspired me were (to name only two), Camus’ Plague and Tolstoy’s Death of Ivan Ilych. Greater than any other solace was the sense of learning how to respond to suffering by living for others. This also meant serving others by serving a shared cause which in my view aspires to oppose our sick individualism: socialism. Sorry if that’s preachy!
Wow, this was literally my most present problem when I stumbled upon your substack just now. Thank you! I concur with however commented, this might change my life!
So, for Christmas I got a Christmas mass email from family I never see that my aunt is terminally ill with cancer. I haven't replied back yet and I think about it every day. Any suggestion for how to reply? Apart from the obvious sympathy part...
Seriously, this failure to reply is probably what makes me feel the most like a flawed human.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/F91YLHvXAAA5BrS?format=png&name=small
you'd be shocked how much mileage you can get out of sending people this image before launching into your reply
Super helpful. Also: Flawed Nozzle! What a phrase. I may steal it for the title of my memoirs.
Yes! One rule I've made for myself is that if a thought like "hey I haven't heard from this person in a while, I should text them" presents itself, I must drop everything and text them. Regardless of if they never got back to me last time or vice versa etc. or whatever the circumstances. And it's usually something simple like -- hey thought about you today, hope you're doing well.
Surprisingly effective at keeping in touch with people. People just wanna be loved on 🧡
I think this one relatively short text might be about to make a greater difference to my life than almost all the books I've ever read. Thank you
And, uh, one question. If you have a pile of emails and messages you should've written months ago, and it is very important to you that you will in fact write them, what would be a good way to start the text? I usually write some form of "I'm sorry it took me so long" but I feel stupid beginning literally every single email I've ever written to a particular person with that phrase
File under things they should’ve taught us at school
Incredible timing. Thanks for these pointers! Great writing 🙌🏼🙏🏼
Thanks Sasha. In the spirit of mitigating the nightmarish loneliness that plagues us all, thanks for your reflective posts. They match many of my own neuroses and you lay things out in a practical and helpful manner.
Speaking to fewer people helps me with this immensely.
❤️🙂
😊
I'll bet you have ample opportunity to take your own advice, every day.
The problem is that sometimes people interpret responding quickly as being needy or giving them high-status--especially early in relationships.
I used to respond quickly to everything--texts, emails, whatever. But I found that for some non-trivial fraction of people it just builds entitlement. You might say "Ignore those people. They suck." But sometimes you can't.
Thanks, this was helpful. This prompted me to send some replies I've been procrastinating on
I apologize for inserting myself into this exchange, but I am motivated to write something by your words, “the nightmarish loneliness that plagues us all.” Don’t those (true) words imply that OUR problem is a societal one, not something that can be resolved by individual self-improvement? In the past 7 years, I have suffered cancer, a pandemic era loss of connection with my loved ones, and now I am two years into terminal ALS. Books that inspired me were (to name only two), Camus’ Plague and Tolstoy’s Death of Ivan Ilych. Greater than any other solace was the sense of learning how to respond to suffering by living for others. This also meant serving others by serving a shared cause which in my view aspires to oppose our sick individualism: socialism. Sorry if that’s preachy!
Wow, this was literally my most present problem when I stumbled upon your substack just now. Thank you! I concur with however commented, this might change my life!
So, for Christmas I got a Christmas mass email from family I never see that my aunt is terminally ill with cancer. I haven't replied back yet and I think about it every day. Any suggestion for how to reply? Apart from the obvious sympathy part...
Seriously, this failure to reply is probably what makes me feel the most like a flawed human.
Thanks Sasha, I needed to hear this.