I've done a lot of techniques over the years... To compress it a bunch:
Transcendental Meditation style mantra practice was a good way of establishing baseline concentration as a beginner
TWIM-style metta, and Rob Burbea style shamatha practice were good for opening up emotionally and bodily
Self-inquiry practice and Shinzen Young's "noting gone" were good for deconstructive potential
And these days it's all pretty much expanded awareness / do nothing practice
This is all hard to separate from an approach to experiencing aversive emotions I learned from a book called Existential Kink, and knowledge of my enneagram type was a really important driver for the direction of practice
A great piece of writing that's very useful, thank you. There is certainly a misunderstanding that spirituality/enlightenment will somehow save us from being human. I have found that we allow meditation to change us, make us more humble, more compassionate...and if we get it 'right' we become more human :) In truly knowing who and what we are, we are no longer ruled by an egoic tyrant self who believes life needs to be a certain way and we can engage fully with life, rather than always against it. What a different way to live.
This is a great overview of what happens when one has been on the journey for a while. The "cool" factor section reminds me of the following quote:
"I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor. It is something to be able to paint a particular picture , or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts." -- Henry David Thoreau
I'm particularly struck by Sasha's revelation that one can lose one's shit even when one is a great good distance down the path of awakening. "It was disorienting and a little humiliating," Sasha wrote. "I thought I was better than that."
Such emotional/spiritual conundrums are also addressed by Tibetan lama Tarthang Tulku as quoted by John Welwood:
"Any moment, wherever you are, driving a car, sitting around, working, talking, any activities you have—even if you are very disturbed emotionally, very passionate, or even if your mind has become very strong, raging, overcome with the worst possible things and you cannot control yourself, or you feel depressed . . . if you really go into it, there’s nothing there. Whatever comes up becomes your meditation. Even if you become extremely tense, if you go into your thought and your awareness comes alive, that moment can be more powerful than working a long time in meditation practice."
In other words, don't hold back the shit. And don't stop at simply shitting! Rather, *be* the shit. Not because you have a choice, but rather that's what the universe needs from you in the moment.
I feel like this sums up something I've been trying to describe for 20 years. I've printed out a copy to keep with me. Thanks for this. I really enjoy your writing.
"it’s become clear that suffering can be load-bearing"
That's a whopper, and feels 100% true. This is a very relatable description of an experience that sounds very foreign to most of us, indeed. It's a state of mind that I think comes across here and there in small windows to at least some of us (ergo relatable), but it's a big thing to imagine feeling like that all the time— as you say: tradeoffs.
Very interesting tension in that disorientating feeling you describe. When everything can be seen - or lets say glimpsed very very briefly in my case - as ephemeral, and what you think is solid melts into air... I can see how people 'lose their mind' a bit!
Beautiful writing and thread. Very enjoyable to read, and Sasha's work explains things that very few acknowledge or find a way to explain.
Quite a few times, I have mentioned to life long friends that something doesn't feel 'spiritually aligned' with me, thinking this is just everyday banter. Soon after any mention of this dimension (the energetic), the conversation usually ceases.
This has been a good reflection for me ~ most people don't like deep, and it's ok. Still, i can like those who do, and we are all still going through stuff, for sure. There's no 'finished evolving." Maybe that's good.
fascinating. love your writing. what does your meditation practice consist of?
I've done a lot of techniques over the years... To compress it a bunch:
Transcendental Meditation style mantra practice was a good way of establishing baseline concentration as a beginner
TWIM-style metta, and Rob Burbea style shamatha practice were good for opening up emotionally and bodily
Self-inquiry practice and Shinzen Young's "noting gone" were good for deconstructive potential
And these days it's all pretty much expanded awareness / do nothing practice
This is all hard to separate from an approach to experiencing aversive emotions I learned from a book called Existential Kink, and knowledge of my enneagram type was a really important driver for the direction of practice
Do you have any resources for working with one’s enneagram type? I’m a 9.
are you related to a mathematician named Solomyak?
A great piece of writing that's very useful, thank you. There is certainly a misunderstanding that spirituality/enlightenment will somehow save us from being human. I have found that we allow meditation to change us, make us more humble, more compassionate...and if we get it 'right' we become more human :) In truly knowing who and what we are, we are no longer ruled by an egoic tyrant self who believes life needs to be a certain way and we can engage fully with life, rather than always against it. What a different way to live.
This is a great overview of what happens when one has been on the journey for a while. The "cool" factor section reminds me of the following quote:
"I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor. It is something to be able to paint a particular picture , or to carve a statue, and so to make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look, which morally we can do. To affect the quality of the day, that is the highest of arts." -- Henry David Thoreau
An abundance of abundance here!
I'm particularly struck by Sasha's revelation that one can lose one's shit even when one is a great good distance down the path of awakening. "It was disorienting and a little humiliating," Sasha wrote. "I thought I was better than that."
Such emotional/spiritual conundrums are also addressed by Tibetan lama Tarthang Tulku as quoted by John Welwood:
"Any moment, wherever you are, driving a car, sitting around, working, talking, any activities you have—even if you are very disturbed emotionally, very passionate, or even if your mind has become very strong, raging, overcome with the worst possible things and you cannot control yourself, or you feel depressed . . . if you really go into it, there’s nothing there. Whatever comes up becomes your meditation. Even if you become extremely tense, if you go into your thought and your awareness comes alive, that moment can be more powerful than working a long time in meditation practice."
In other words, don't hold back the shit. And don't stop at simply shitting! Rather, *be* the shit. Not because you have a choice, but rather that's what the universe needs from you in the moment.
I feel like this sums up something I've been trying to describe for 20 years. I've printed out a copy to keep with me. Thanks for this. I really enjoy your writing.
"it’s become clear that suffering can be load-bearing"
That's a whopper, and feels 100% true. This is a very relatable description of an experience that sounds very foreign to most of us, indeed. It's a state of mind that I think comes across here and there in small windows to at least some of us (ergo relatable), but it's a big thing to imagine feeling like that all the time— as you say: tradeoffs.
Thank you
You’re always one decision away from a completely different life
That decision is to have a completely different life
thanks for this article. points to a lot of what i'm experiencing these days.
Beautiful read man, thank you. Thanks you for your honesty
A Novice Practitioner
really appreciate your observations about all this, as usual! :)
Very interesting tension in that disorientating feeling you describe. When everything can be seen - or lets say glimpsed very very briefly in my case - as ephemeral, and what you think is solid melts into air... I can see how people 'lose their mind' a bit!
Thanks for writing this, it resonated deeply.
> most people have a free-floating existential worry drive that latches onto any signal that things are going wrong.
I continue to live for the promise of days where this drive detaches itself from everything.
Beautiful writing and thread. Very enjoyable to read, and Sasha's work explains things that very few acknowledge or find a way to explain.
Quite a few times, I have mentioned to life long friends that something doesn't feel 'spiritually aligned' with me, thinking this is just everyday banter. Soon after any mention of this dimension (the energetic), the conversation usually ceases.
This has been a good reflection for me ~ most people don't like deep, and it's ok. Still, i can like those who do, and we are all still going through stuff, for sure. There's no 'finished evolving." Maybe that's good.
Have you read Jed McKenna?
The last part (suffering sine qua non to some kind of vital motivation for some people) is a sticky, stubborn point to be reconciled.