Sasha, this is a wonderful article. I have recently begun to understand myself as being somewhat autistic or at the very least neurodivergent in some way. I relate to and in fact have your same feelings regarding just about everything you touch on in this piece. Know that you are not alone in your conception of the world. Thank you for writing this.
"I don’t know whether I feel more separateness than other people".
I've felt separate from other people my whole life....so this resonated with me. I don't know if it helps you to know that other people experience this--hard to know how different or similar the experience is.
"The real fundamental thing is that I can’t hear the social music. It’s taken me 33 years to figure this out because it’s hard to identify an absence. But, hey, did you know that groups of humans have moods that are contagious? Like, a room has a heavy feeling or an abundance of joy and excitement? I didn’t know that this was a real felt thing, a primary element of the atmosphere, as real as temperature."
This profound disconnect also happens when people are gaslighted. I think there's something in the overlapping of ADHD, CPTSD, and sperginess where the line between natural proclivity and formative social conditioning is blurred.
I forgot OCD in this mix, especially mental/moral compulsions and tactile/sensory compulsions (some manifestations of the latter being different from stimming in what ways, I wonder?)
Sasha, this is a wonderful article. I have recently begun to understand myself as being somewhat autistic or at the very least neurodivergent in some way. I relate to and in fact have your same feelings regarding just about everything you touch on in this piece. Know that you are not alone in your conception of the world. Thank you for writing this.
"I don’t know whether I feel more separateness than other people".
I've felt separate from other people my whole life....so this resonated with me. I don't know if it helps you to know that other people experience this--hard to know how different or similar the experience is.
"The real fundamental thing is that I can’t hear the social music. It’s taken me 33 years to figure this out because it’s hard to identify an absence. But, hey, did you know that groups of humans have moods that are contagious? Like, a room has a heavy feeling or an abundance of joy and excitement? I didn’t know that this was a real felt thing, a primary element of the atmosphere, as real as temperature."
This profound disconnect also happens when people are gaslighted. I think there's something in the overlapping of ADHD, CPTSD, and sperginess where the line between natural proclivity and formative social conditioning is blurred.
I forgot OCD in this mix, especially mental/moral compulsions and tactile/sensory compulsions (some manifestations of the latter being different from stimming in what ways, I wonder?)
Looking back, do you think this is just trauma-based dissociation?